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Happiness and The Human Experience

Writer's picture: Deanna DohertyDeanna Doherty

At Shifting Tides Therapy, the idea that life moves in waves is central to everything we do. It’s a belief rooted in the understanding that change, whether welcome or unwelcome, is a constant part of the human experience. One moment, life feels calm, manageable, even joyful—and then, without warning, the tide shifts. We could be fired from our jobs, lose someone suddenly, get broken up with, have a seemingly unsolvable conflict with a friend, or even be subject to the whims of environmental disasters. But even when external factors stay the same, our internal monologue can swing back and forth unpredictably. Feelings of grief, uncertainty, and change sweep in, sometimes overwhelming us with their force.


Grief, in particular, comes in waves. It doesn’t follow a neat, linear progression or adhere to the timeline we might hope for. One moment you may feel like you’re handling it, only to be pulled under by a surge of sorrow or longing the next. This is the nature of the human experience: it is not a straight path toward happiness or stability, but a journey through the ever-changing tides of our emotions.


Life is Not Linear


So many of us are raised to believe that life should follow a predictable, upward trajectory—that if we work hard and achieve, we will somehow be able to hold onto happiness indefinitely. But life doesn’t work that way. But life doesn’t guarantee us happiness, success, or fulfillment simply because we strive for it. In reality, life is more like the ocean: sometimes smooth, other times turbulent.


Grief and loss can shatter the illusion of linear progress. Whether it’s the death of a loved one, the end of a relationship, or even a major life transition, these experiences remind us that our path is far from straightforward. Healing doesn’t move in one direction. It loops, curves, and circles back on itself. This can be frustrating, especially when we’re conditioned to believe that progress means constantly moving upward. But the truth is, moving through life’s challenges isn’t about “getting over” something; it’s about learning how to live with the waves as they come.


External Validation and Accomplishments Won’t Anchor You


In our culture, there’s a deep emphasis on external validation. We’re taught that our worth is tied to what we accomplish, how we’re perceived by others, or the material success we accumulate. But when the tide shifts, these things quickly lose their grip. External validation is fleeting—it’s dependent on factors beyond our control, and when it inevitably slips away, we’re left feeling unmoored.


The human condition cannot be based on these unstable foundations, because they are subject to change. And as much as we’d like to hold onto certain things—success, relationships, security—everything is temporary. The only thing we truly have control over is our reaction to the changes life throws at us.


Accepting the Shifting Tides


Change is difficult, and it’s human nature to resist it. We want to hold onto what feels familiar, what makes us feel safe. But the tides are always shifting, and clinging to what was—whether it’s an identity, a relationship, or a phase of life—only prolongs our suffering. Instead, we have to learn to move with the waves. This doesn’t mean we don’t grieve or struggle; it means we learn to accept that change is inevitable and find ways to adapt to it with compassion.


Grief teaches us this better than anything else. When we experience loss, we come face to face with the truth that life is unpredictable. The people we love, the roles we inhabit, the accomplishments we achieve—they are all impermanent. But within this impermanence lies a chance for growth. It’s in learning to let go and embrace the constant flow of change that we find resilience.


Our Reaction to Change Is What We Control


The only constant in life is change, and though we can’t control the tides themselves, we can control how we respond to them. Instead of resisting or resenting the waves, we can learn to ride them with as much grace and self-compassion as possible. This is no easy feat. It requires a deep internal shift—a shift away from seeking control over life’s circumstances and toward acceptance of the uncertainty that defines the human condition.


At Shifting Tides Therapy, we help our clients navigate these waters. Whether it’s through grief, trauma, or life transitions, we believe that change, while painful, also holds the potential for transformation. When we stop trying to control what we can’t, we can begin to focus on what we can control: our responses, our resilience, and our ability to find meaning even in the most difficult circumstances.

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