Navigating Grief: Understanding Instrumental and Intuitive Styles and Their Unique Blend

Deanna Doherty
Jul 23
3 min read

Grief is a universal experience, yet it is profoundly personal and uniquely felt by each individual. The way we navigate our grief can vary significantly from one person to another. Understanding the different styles of grief can enhance our empathy towards ourselves and others during such a challenging time. Two primary styles are often discussed in grief studies: instrumental and intuitive grief styles. This blog post will explore these styles and their unique blend to help readers comprehend their own grieving processes and support others effectively.

Understanding Instrumental Grief

Instrumental grief is characterized by a more cognitive and problem-solving approach to dealing with loss. Individuals who resonate with this style may find themselves processing emotions through actions, thoughts, and concrete strategies.

These individuals often focus on managing tasks and responsibilities. They may engage in planning memorial services, organizing belongings of the deceased, or seeking to understand the reasons behind their loss. This method allows them to compartmentalize their feelings, enabling them to navigate the practicalities of life following a loss.

While this can be a healthy way to cope and express grief, instrumental grievers can sometimes feel disconnected from their emotions. They might struggle to articulate their sadness or may avoid expressing deeper feelings altogether, leading to a potential buildup of unprocessed emotions over time.

Exploring Intuitive Grief

Intuitive grief, on the other hand, leans towards emotional expression and processing. Those who identify with this style often find themselves overwhelmed with feelings of sorrow, anger, or longing.

Intuitive grievers tend to express their grief through tears, conversations, and seeking emotional closeness with others. They may have a strong desire to share their thoughts and feelings, recognizing the importance of emotional processing as a means of healing.

However, this style can also present challenges. Intuitive grievers may experience heightened emotional responses that can lead to difficulty in completing everyday tasks. When the waves of emotion come flooding in, they might feel consumed by their grief, which can be exhausting.

The Blend of Instrumental and Intuitive Grief

Most people don't strictly fit into one category. Instead, many experience a blend of instrumental and intuitive grief. Recognizing this can be liberating and validating, as it allows for a more flexible and adaptable approach to grieving.

For instance, someone may begin with a practical focus—organizing funeral arrangements—before shifting to a more emotional space, perhaps crying at home afterward or sharing memories with friends. This ebb and flow between styles can serve as a healthy way to honor the multifaceted nature of grief.

Embodying both styles means individuals can address the necessity of completing tasks while simultaneously allowing for emotional processing. It encourages individuals to find balance, recognizing that both cognitive and emotional responses are essential to healing.

Strategies for Navigating These Grief Styles

Understanding your grief style or blend of styles opens the door to numerous coping strategies and support mechanisms that can enhance the grieving process. Here are some strategies:

For Instrumental Grievers:

Set Realistic Goals: Break tasks into manageable steps so you don't feel overwhelmed.
Schedule Time for Reflection: Carve out specific times to allow for emotional processing. It’s helpful to permit yourself to feel and express these emotions.
Seek Help: Whether it’s from family, friends, or a grief counselor, know that you don’t have to manage everything alone.

For Intuitive Grievers:

Establish Support Networks: Surround yourself with empathetic listeners, making sure you have spaces to share your emotions freely.
Journaling: Writing down your thoughts and feelings can help in organizing your emotional responses.
Engaging in Creative Outlets: Art, music, and writing can facilitate emotional expression in ways that words alone sometimes cannot.

For Those Blending Both Styles:

Mix Practicality with Emotion: As you handle tangible tasks, intermittently check in with your emotions. Set aside time to process feelings alongside completing necessary duties.
Balance Activity and Rest: Maintain a healthy rhythm of staying active (organizing, memorial planning) while also allowing for reflective and restorative activities (meditating, talking with loved ones).
Join Support Groups: Engaging with others who have similar experiences can provide a richer understanding of the diverse ways grief manifests.

Conclusion

Navigating grief can feel like sailing through a tumultuous sea where emotional storms and calm waters ebb and flow. By understanding the different grief styles—instrumental and intuitive—and recognizing that many people experience a combination of these styles, individuals can find better means to cope.

Grief is a highly personal journey, and there is no "right" way to grieve. Embracing the complexity of grief while acknowledging both the need for practical actions and emotional expression can help foster healing. Whether you gravitate toward an instrumental, intuitive, or blended approach, remember that your feelings and experiences are valid. Be gentle with yourself as you navigate this profound journey.