Navigating Grief With Internal Family Systems (IFS) Therapy

Grief is a deeply personal and often unpredictable journey. It can bring waves of emotions—sadness, anger, guilt, relief, confusion—sometimes all at once. When we lose someone or something significant, different parts of us react in different ways. Some parts may long for connection, while others may try to numb the pain. Some might criticize us for how we are grieving, and others might feel completely lost.

Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy offers a compassionate way to navigate grief by helping us understand and care for these different parts of ourselves. Rather than trying to "move on" or suppress painful feelings, IFS encourages us to listen to our inner world with curiosity and kindness.

Understanding Grief Through the Lens of IFS

IFS is based on the idea that we all have an internal system made up of different "parts," as well as a core, compassionate "Self." When grief surfaces, it often activates parts of us that have different ways of coping.

• The Protector Parts: Some parts may try to shield us from overwhelming pain by keeping us busy, distracting us, or even shutting down emotions entirely. These protectors may manifest as avoidance, intellectualizing the loss, or excessive caretaking of others.

• The Grieving Parts: Other parts may hold deep sadness, longing, or even anger over what we have lost. These parts need space to express their pain without feeling rushed to “get over it.”

• The Inner Critic: A common part that emerges in grief is the inner critic, which might say, “You should be handling this better” or “Why are you still sad?” IFS helps us understand that this part likely believes it is helping us in some way, even if it feels harsh.

• The Younger Parts: Grief can also awaken younger parts of us—perhaps parts that experienced abandonment, loss, or fear in childhood. These parts might bring up old wounds that need attention and healing.

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How IFS Supports the Grief Process

1. Creating Space for All PartsRather than pushing emotions aside, IFS helps us acknowledge and connect with each grieving part. By doing so, we create space for each part to feel seen, heard, and understood without fear of being shut down.

2. Cultivating Self-CompassionAt the core of IFS is the concept of Self—a compassionate, calm, and wise presence within us. When we access Self-energy, we can gently comfort and support our grieving parts rather than being consumed by them.

3. Healing Unresolved WoundsGrief doesn’t just stem from our most recent loss; it can reopen old wounds. IFS allows us to explore whether parts of us are carrying grief from past experiences and offer them the healing they need.

4. Reducing Guilt and ShameMany people struggle with guilt after a loss—feeling they should have done more, said more, or been different. IFS helps us understand that these self-critical parts are trying to protect us and that we can extend compassion to them instead of believing their harsh narratives.

5. Allowing Grief to Move ThroughGrief isn’t something we "fix"—it’s something we learn to be with. IFS helps us move through grief by acknowledging that every part of us has a role in the process, and no part needs to be exiled or rejected.

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Conclusion

Grief is not something we “get over.” It is something we learn to carry, something that shapes us but does not have to define us. IFS therapy provides a framework for honoring our loss, understanding our internal responses, and finding a compassionate way forward. By listening to our parts and leading with Self-energy, we can move through grief with greater ease, acceptance, and healing.

If you’re navigating grief and feeling overwhelmed by the different emotions pulling at you, IFS therapy can help you find balance and peace within. You don’t have to go through it alone. Reach out to Shifting Tides Psychotherapy today to schedule a free consult.